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When Go The F--k to Sleep finally hit shelves this summer, I think we all knew it would be a runaway hit. It made us all feel a wee bit better about the things we've thought but not said about parenting. But now I'm starting to understand why some things are better left unsaid.
Because sometimes, kids find out about it.
As a blogger here at The Stir, I get children's books in the mail from publishing houses. Often I share them with our readers, but only after sharing them with my daughter to get the kid stamp of approval (hey, they're written for her). I have only myself to blame for what this has created: a book monster who sees an envelope on the doorstep and rips into it, eager to see what the next bedtime story will be.
You have an idea of where this is going, don't you?
My kid opened my new copy of If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the F--K Up?, a mix of the two hottest trends in publishing at the moment: parodies of existing books and angry parenting humor.
And now for the real problem. Exactly what made author Marcy Roznick's book a guilty pleasure for me is what made my daughter wrest it from the envelope and throw open the front cover. It's a ribald rip-off of the repetitive "If You Give A . . . " books that make parents all over the world wonder what would happen if you threw them out the window. Adorable on first reading, even the second, by the time your kid has made you read the circular stories 15 times over at one sitting, they begin to wear. I like them because of the way they make my daughter giggle, but I understand my husband's utter and complete loathing.
His hatred ensured this book would make me laugh. Her love ensured she'd spot the familiar lettering and cover and try to read it.
You get where I'm going with this.
If you REALLY want to have a laugh at your kids' expense, do me a favor. Get an e-reader. It will save your back from the jarring pain experienced when you go diving for a book that your child thought was for them.
Do you love this trend toward naughty "children's" books that are really for us? Or has it bitten you in the butt?
Occupy protesters are everywhere—and now they've even made it on to 'South Park.' Look out one percenters: Michael Moore and a team of 4th graders are coming for you.
I would rather you hear it from me than someone else or the news.
I know this seems crazy ... I've spent the last few months struggling with my marriage.
Kris is a great guy but we come from such different worlds and he isn't what I thought when we 1st met.
I'm embarrassed that I took everyone on this journey with me and had this huge wedding. But I have to be happy, so I have to let this relationship go.
Brandon Rice feels especially senseless because it was a brutally painful, prolonged passing caused by just one random act. One instance of bad adolescent judgment.
Like so many other kids his age, Brandon decided to experiment with a relatively new drug, which, at the time, was fairly easy to get: Synthetic pot. Brandon smoked the synthetic pot out of a plastic Pez dispenser.
Gov. Tom Corbett signed a law banning synthetic weed in Pennsylvania a few days after Brandon smoked it out of that Pez dispenser, but it was too late. Brandon's lungs were so damaged by the chemicals in the drug (compounded, I can only imagine, by whatever toxins a Pez dispenser releases when heated) that he was put on a respirator in June.
In September, he received a double-lung transplant.
Last week, he died.
Pointless, avoidable, tragic. Why should a child have to endure such horrific pain as a result of making one stupid mistake? It infuriates me, like in a shake my fists at the sky kind of way. It also makes me want to lock my children safely in a closet until they're 21. Or possibly forever.
One thing I don't understand is why anyone smokes synthetic pot in the first place. Please tell me it's not because this poison was (and in some places still is) legal and the real stuff isn't. I'm not advocating teenage pot-smoking of any kind, but I can say with some certainty that one bong hit of actual weed never resulted in a double-lung transplant.
My heart breaks for Brandon's mother. I can only hope and pray that what happened to Brandon never happens to another child.
Were you aware of the dangers of synthetic pot?
Momager Kris Jenner went on the TODAY show Tuesday in defense of her daughter Kim Kardashian‘s decision to file for divorce.
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