I am so glad that someone wrote an article about this. I have recently been wondering about that. What are the rules or laws. What are other parent's views or the "norm" on this issue. What do other parents do about this? These were some of the questions that I was asking myself. Since my children are 6 years old and 8 years old, I knew I still had time to wonder about this. But I also know that the time is coming quicker than I think, when I will have to make a decision on this issue. As Sheila puts it the best: "While SafeKids.org urges parents not to leave any child under 12 years old home alone, many of us do allow our children to go latchkey for a few hours between school and the end of our workdays, or when we need to run errands. For each of us, it's a subjective and deeply personal choice that we make as parents based on the resourcefulness, maturity, and comfort levels of our own kids."
Thanks Sheila. That was the best way to put it, without stepping on parent's toes and feelings. That was put in a gentle, caring, classy way. Read on to hear what she says and the resources that she gives to make this situation as safe as possible. What do you think about this issue? Stop by and leave your comments, suggestions and input.
"September 08, 2008
Ages & Stages: How Young is Too Young?
The other day, our little guy was begging me to see a PG-13 movie. He is only 8, so my immediate response was, "No way." But, then I thought about how I allowed him to watch Revenge of the Sith
, which was also PG-13. (Like many boys his age, he's a die-hard Star Wars
This was the first week of school for many, which means another year older for the kids, who'll soon be pushing for more independence. So where do we draw the line in order to stay consistent? And how do you know when your child is ready, or mature enough?
What are your ages and stages for letting your kids stay home alone? Go for sleepovers? Bike to a friend's house, or take public transportation un-chaperoned? And, if you have more than one child, are you consistent when applying your age limits?
Our Senior Editorial Director, Felice, just faced this dilemma with her 10-year-old son. Felice and her kids live in a quiet, upscale neighborhood about a mile from downtown Boston, but too close for comfort to the universities and major arteries. While her younger daughter is still in extended day through her school, Felice was nervous about letting her son turn "latchkey" for another two years (Safe Kids USA urges parents not to leave any child under 12 years old home alone.)
Luckily, she found a happy solution through Care.com: a thirty-something "minder," who can be her son's surrogate "older brother," picking him up at school, hanging out with him for a few hours, and driving him to sports practice, all while not making her son feel like he's in need of a babysitter.
Check out these topics and sources for more information, or join the conversation by posting a comment! We'd love to hear your experiences and your "rules of thumb" for ages and stages with your own kids (or those you care for.)
Latchkey Kids / Staying Home Alone
While SafeKids.org urges parents not to leave any child under 12 years old home alone, many of us do allow our children to go latchkey for a few hours between school and the end of our workdays, or when we need to run errands. For each of us, it's a subjective and deeply personal choice that we make as parents based on the resourcefulness, maturity, and comfort levels of our own kids.
If you do decide to let your child stay home alone, go over these safety tips from the National Crime Prevention Council (home of McGruff the Crime Dog) with them first:
- Be discreet: Don't let anyone know that you're home alone.
- Lock up: Learn how to properly secure your home so you can get out, but no one can get in.
- Know the numbers: Review the emergency contact list and know how and who to call in case of an emergency. Choose a nearby neighbor as a "safe house."
- Communicate: Check in with your parents when you get home, and call for permission before leaving to go to the park, biking with friends, or to another friend's home.
- Be alert: If something looks suspicious when you get home, like a broken window or the front door is wide open, don't go inside. Go to your safe house.
Check out this MSNBC article with Dr. Ruth Peters, one of America's favorite advice columnists, a regular contributor to The Today Show, and a clinical psychologist by training, for more tips on raising latchkey kids.
Slumber Parties
Slumber parties (or sleepovers) are as American as apple pie, and just as hard to do really well. According to AZCentral.com, home of The Arizona Republic newspaper, slumber parties are most popular among kids 8 to 14 years old, although they can begin at younger ages and stretch out until college.
So, how do you know when your kids are ready to sleep over at a friend's house? And what should you ensure before they go?
- Start with family members. Your children will be more comfortable at their cousins' house, or with their grandparents, than at another family's home, allowing them to ease into sleeping apart from you. It also allows them to learn to shake up their nighttime routines.
- Know your child. Some kids are ready for sleepovers earlier than others--there isn't one true age to begin hosting or sending your kids off to slumber parties. Make sure that they are polite and respectful enough to abide by another family's rules, and that they are confident enough to make it through the night without your support.
- Know yourself. How comfortable are you with your child sleeping over at another home? Make sure to do your homework before the night of the event, ensuring that the other parents will be home, confirming details about activities, any group excursions, and timing for pick-ups in the morning. Review "the rules" and emergency information with the other parents, and make sure you trust them and their judgment.
What are your family's rules, ages and stages for allowing kids to stay home alone? Slumber parties? Biking to a friend's house un-chaperoned, or taking public transportation?
Share them with the Care.com community by posting a comment!
Cheers,
SheilaTrackBack
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Comments
As a father of a seven year old, I must tell you: if you watched the film and you think that it would really affect his perspective on life, then just have a conversation and ask him about the film. Talking to him you would figure out a lot of things about his views. Sometimes you have to cross "the line" so your kid can have a real view of the world. Communicate with him so you can help shape that view, do not block it! The world is what it is.
Too young? Well, you are the parent, no one knows your kid better than you,don't draw lines you can't explain.
Posted by: Luis | September 09, 2008 at 08:18 AM
As a parent of three, ages 17,10 and 9, I often wonder myself when to let them do things on their own. My 17 yr old has special needs, but they are mild so it was hard for me to let him do things. My 10 yr old is searching for independence and we are letting him do little things such as ride his bike with a friend to the ice cream shop or to the gas station. He still can't go fishing with a friend by himself because I feel they need to be supervised. We also got the restricted cell phones for our two youngest to use to keep in touch with us in case of emergency.
Posted by: Laura | September 09, 2008 at 09:38 AM
Determining the right age for children to watch certain movies is often very dependent on the child. That said, does anyone have a recommendation on the right age for watching the Harry Potter movies?
Posted by: Mary Lanzo | September 09, 2008 at 09:39 AM
Well... as a mother, it's your kid, it's your decision, whatever you feel is right. Me.. ha, my kid will not be left home alone until he is 19, because I don't need trouble. Sleepovers, well... depends on the parents. Bike to a friend's house? Why bike, I can bring him. And the whole transportation, I say no, ask daddy. I'm a very strict mother, because I grew up not too long ago, and I know what it's like.
Posted by: amanda | September 09, 2008 at 09:42 AM
As a former latchkey kid myself and single mom of a seven yr old boy. I see him becoming a latchkey kid too. It all comes down to how much you trust your child to do as you tell them. I have left my son home alone for 5-10 min while I go to the apartment office, to check the mail, or even to make a quick trip to the corner store. I make sure to explain the rules to him. He's not to open the door to anyone and he knows not to cook anything. Like everyone else has said, you know your child and your childs maturity. Only you can decide what is best or what responsibilities your child can handle.
Posted by: Jonetta | September 09, 2008 at 10:19 AM
My question is what is the "legal" age for children to be home alone after school in Oklahoma? My children are very mature for their age but they're only 9 and 8.
Posted by: Elisha | September 09, 2008 at 12:05 PM
When we were growing up, they did not have PG 13 when I was that age. So a lot of the movies today that are PG 13 were PG movies back then or were rated R if it was real nudity and very bad language. We as parents want the best for our children so we need to know if the movie is suited for him or her before they see it. If my parents or friends see the movie before my child wants to see that movie, I would asked if it is good for her to watch it.
With latchkey kids, a parent has to know the laws first in their state on what age is it considered to be OK to leave them home for a couple of hours. It depends on the maturity of the child if you can trust them to listen and behave while you are not there.
Posted by: Tina | September 09, 2008 at 12:14 PM
My sons are 11 and 7 and I will leave them home alone for a couple of hours even if it is to go out to dinner with my husband. You have to know your children and know if they are responsible enough to handle ANY situation. Each child will react differently to a stressful situation. Ask your child. Give him scenarios, even scary ones. I know in IN there is not an age limit. Use your own discretion.
Posted by: Gina | September 09, 2008 at 12:25 PM
Hi Elisha,
According to SafeKids.org, the national guideline is not to leave children under 12 home alone. This page on Wiki Answers quotes the Lawson, OK police department about your state in particular:
"In Oklahoma, there is no fixed age when a child can be left alone. Some are unable to take care of themselves even though they may be older than other children." - Lawton (Oklahoma) Police Department
It also cites a California agency that supports allowing children as young as 8 years old to be left home alone for a few hours at a time, such as after school.
Here's the link:
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_the_Oklahoma_latchkey_laws
But again, my strong advice is that you know your child best and if you think your kids are ready, just make sure to follow the proper safety steps. If you're unsure about their readiness, then I would suggest hiring a caregiver for those hours after school, at least to start, as Felice has done with her 10 year old son. Try posting a job on Care.com in either Child Care or Care Gigs to find the right person in your area.
Cheers,
Sheila
Posted by: Sheila | September 09, 2008 at 12:39 PM
Wow! What a great article and great comments from all the readers. I am thankful for reading this and someone having the guts to write about this issue. You are right, it is a deep and personal choice/issue each one of us decides as parents.
For myself, my children are still too young...for me(6 and 8), but this has a been a question I have been wondering about in the back of my head...trying to prepare for when that situation does arrive...which will come before I know it.
Thanks to everyone!
Posted by: Jeanne | September 09, 2008 at 01:03 PM"